Security Issue: Gingers Packing Heat

Bon Voyage from Billings, MT

Well, Morgan and I began our journey on Wednesday by traveling through slow moving traffic to Billings so I could see Kate before she takes off for the big Oklahoma! We spent Wednesday and Thursday hanging out and soaking up the last bit of American life that we could. Thursday afternoon Jenna and Manda joined us for our lazy hanging out and we took our slumber at Bob and Di's house. This is when the real fun began....We planned on waking up at 3:30 to get everyone through the shower for our 6 am flight. We were doing pretty well until it was Morgan's turn to shower and we realized we had like five minutes until we needed to leave for Costco where our driver, Bethany, was meeting us. The first sign that we were really pushing our luck with time.


We arrive at the airport 5:15, and take our sweet time saying our goodbyes and taking our first group picture. We roll ourselves into the bagging area and immediately the Bag Man comes up to us searching for Manda's passport. Our second sign that we were REALLY pushing time, since he knew who we were, obviously we were the last ones to check in. Unfortunately my bag was 5.5 lbs over the limit and had to drop off my bag of sunblock (6 bottles of 50+) with Jenna and transfer some other items. Morgan's bag was a little over because of the pancake mix our host family asked us to bring them. As we hurried ourselves to the the security line we realized that is was seriously one heck of a huge line. If you have ever been to the Billings airport you will know how long the line is when I tell you we were practically standing next to the baggage claim area....LOOONG ways away. It was around 5:35 and the line was moving at a steady pace. We were joking about missing our flight and leaving one of us a behind, when we had the conversation about the precise time of our flight. The older of the girls thought it was at 6:22, and both Morgan and I knew it was at 6:02, but just didn't think to say anything...WHOOPS! We just laughed it off and continued with our nervous chatter. It was all happy and slightly stressful, but then all turned hectic when we heard a man yell "Minneapolis, 6:30 flight? Who is on the 6:30 flight?" Loads of people behind us were on that flight and he casually told them they might not make their flight. Our flight was 28 minutes earlier than theirs, we began to think there is no way we were going to make this flight. Jenna texted MaryAnn telling her to say a prayer for us because we were most likely going to miss our flight and she replied "I did but airlines have strict rules to follow regarding times and holding flights so go with their flow and be calm and nice to the agent!!!! Drive safe to the airport and let me know how it goes.." Security went well for Manda and Jenna who zipped through with no problem, as I took my turn our luck went sour.


I loaded my stuff accordingly and smiled as friendly as possible trying to follow MaryAnn's recommendation. As I stand waiting to go through the metal detector, the security guard on the other side gives me a sly little smirk. Thinking maybe he was flirting with me I shoot him my best toothy grin, but he just smirks and waves a hand at the other security guards and then waves me through. A breath of relief shot through me when no alarms went off and I didn't get tackled, but I did get asked to come with this scary looking lady. She told me to identify my belongings, but as I reached out for them snapped at me to "Do not touch ma'am"...just point. They collect all my belongings and direct me to the left of the security area. She begins to explain that because my clothes are not skin tight I must be patted down while a man searches through my things. She first asks if I would like a private screening, I say no while impatiently tapping my foot. Don't forget our plane is completely boarded and my three friends are upstairs doing God knows what, potentially boarding and heading to Spain without their favorite redhead. She then begins to...well...in lack of better words, fondle every body part of mine that is being covered by my damn maxi dress. I was tempted to lift my dress and just flash them if it meant I could get on my plane. She explained each move before she performed it and told me she was going to make swooping motions around my bosoms. Awkwardly she feels me up, just in case I am carrying a butter knife or something. I do love bread, so that might be a possibility. She checks her hands for powder and such and says I am good to go as soon as my stuff is searched. Momentarily I see a Airport guy fly down the stairs and I just knew he was looking for me. I ferociously wave my body and flail my arms yelling "Denver? ME ME ME!" He points and flies back up the stairs. The security guard going through my things is being very cautious but also very SLOW. I stand over his shoulder and breathe heavily thinking maybe it will get the point across that MY FLIPPIN PLANE IS LEAVING. He then stops and says "Aha, I think I found the security issue." I was thinking it was a lotion or nail clippers, oh no...it was Morgan's birthday present that was wrapped in tissue paper. I told him he could rip it and whatever but he did none of the sort, just set it in a bucket along with my tennis shoes and a couple magazines to put through the the machine again. I hear Morgan yelling my name, I look up the stairs and she is big eyed and yelling if I can go yet. I say "No" and tears begin to form in my eyes. I am going to make us miss this flight and it is going to ruin this whole day. All I could think was what do they really think I am going to do with that birthday present, tennis shoes, and magazines? I forgot to mention those tennis shoes explode with impact...seriously. Finally they come out of the machine, clean obviously, and he casually asks "Ma'am would you like me to pack your bag back up?" I may not of been so nice with my tone of voice when I grunted "No" and shoved everything into my carry-on and tossing on my flip-flops. I turned the corner and saw Morgan at the top, I picked up my carry-on and flew up those stairs. People tell you in an emergency you get super power strength, I think we got super fast flip flops or something because we booked it, dodging people, trash and dogs...Just kidding there were no dogs or people. The ticket taker told us to run as fast as we could as he swiped our tickets and we ran down the shoot. We stepped on and shut the door, hitting my butt on the way in. Morgan hurried to her seat and I got to look face-to-face with 100 faces who most likely were fuming that the plane waited for this silly ginger who obviously looks like a threat to America. Duh. None the less I learned a lesson. I should dye my hair (gingers always pack heat), not wear a maxi dress, and maybe show up more than 45 minutes ahead for an international flight!!!


Two hours into this trip and it's already eventful...this is going to be one heck of a 26 day vacation. I was thinking this would be a blog a day, but at this rate I will be posting every other hour just to keep up with the ridiculous activities that are headed our way!! Next stop... Philadelphia...Herrrre we gooo! :)